Ads You’ll Never See for Jobs After College


Wanted: One-Dimensional Student. Successful applicant will sit in uncomfortable desk and take notes. Compensation based entirely on monthly essay exams and pop quizzes.

Wanted: Computer Pro. Must have over 500 hours playing Call of Duty in the last year. PlayStation, Wii, and Xbox experience also desired, but not required.

Wanted: Intramural Sports Star. Must be able to fit at least seven intramural events into every week, even if academics must be sacrificed. Applicant to provide all necessary equipment.

Wanted: Substance Abuse Professional. Our fast-growing party needs you and your wasted friends. Top dollar opportunity.

Wanted: Internet Specialist. Top candidate will be addicted to Facebook, Twitter, and instagram. If you spend all your free time on-line, give us a call.

Wanted: Professional Club-Joiner: If your resume is covered with memberships in organizations that never meet and provide no opportunity for you to demonstrate leadership skill, you’re perfect for us.

Wanted: Junior Executive Slacker. Join our team and slide by on minimal effort, missed commitments, and little white lies.

If you’re the right person for any of these jobs, it may be time to make some changes so you can work toward the ideal jobs after college.

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